Feedism is a sexual kink in which sexual pleasure is derived by eating (feeding) and the weight gain that ensues. There’s usually a power dynamic between the Feeder and the Feedee. The power dynamics vary wildly between parties. Despite it being portrayed as white and heterosexual, you will find an encouraging variety of both POC and queer couples involved in the community. Feederism can be considered a lifestyle kink, as unlike other kinks the fat doesn’t stay in the bedroom.
This differs from Fat Admiration as there is the act of actively gaining weight to become fatter – rather than just preferring fat bodies. Due to societal pressure you will find yourself in The Big Fat Closet about it at one point in your life (if not still there). You will face a lot of fatphobia, both internal and external. That’s why as a veteran of the feedism community, I’d like to heavily encourage you to look into supporting fat liberation. If not for yourself, for the sake of your future partners.
People think you can’t both be pro fat liberation and be a feedist or an FA. That’s utter bullshit. The act of enjoying fat bodies is already spitting in the face of fatphobia, so you might as well get comfortable about actively dismantling fat phobia. While feedism is in the sexual realm, as I’ve said earlier it doesn’t stay there. FA’s know this already. You will face a huge amount of backlash for doing what you're engaging in. Especially if you dip your toes into the more taboo aspects of the kink or prefer partners on the larger end of large (400 lbs and above).
People are gonna thwart you at every angle. That’s not to discourage you, if anything it’s important to know the ‘risk’ and ‘rewards’ to this lifestyle.
People think you can’t be healthy and actively gain weight. Also bullshit. There’s entire healthcare approaches like HAES, recommendations from ASDAH, and recommendations from AWSIM too. You can find HAES providers, or at least weight neutral providers to help you get decent health care as a Feedee. Even if you aren’t gaining weight in a “healthy way”, Feedee’s deserve safe health care. That’s just that. Feeders take note, there’s a lot of fat bias that will prevent Feedees from getting proper care.
I hope this page will give you the tools and knowledge to have a wonderful life while being a feedist and/or an FA. Consider it a “Fat Manefisto” to jump off from. Rock on, folks!
- Feedism: A sexual kink in which sexual pleasure is derived by eating (feeding) and the subsequent weight gain. This is the most simple definition.
- Feeder: A person in a feedist relationship that is facilitating weight gain either in an active manner or passive manner.
- Encourager: Same type of person as above, just with a different term.
- Feedee: A person within the feedist relationship that is gaining weight and/or being fed. They can be actively gaining weight, passively gaining weight or maintaining their weight.
- Feedist: A person who engages in and/or enjoys Feedism.
- BBW (Big Beautiful Woman): Porn category label for fat women. SBBW, SSBBW, USSBBW etc. labels indicate a growing ‘level’ of fatness.
- BHM (Big Handsome Man): Porn category label for fat men.
- Chub for Chub (chub4chub): A chub who is sexually or emotionally attracted to other chubby men.
- Fat Admirer (FA): A person who prefers to engage sex/relationships with fat people. Not every FA is a Feeder, but every Feeder is an FA.
- Chubby Chaser: A thinner partner lusting or ‘chasing’ after a larger partner.
- Plumper Humper: It’s the same thing as above, just more crudely said. Often said to make fun of a person attracted to fat partners.
- Big Game Hunter: I personally have never heard this used, but yeah it’s just another term for chubby chaser.
- Feederism: Outdated term for Feedism, used more often due to its age.
- Adipophilia: Fancy term for saying you have a sexual intrest in fat folks.
- Weight Gain (WG):A fandom related tag (I’ve only seen it in fan content) that involves a character gaining weight. Used in a kink context 90% of the time.
- BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism): if you’ve been to a sex shop you’ve got a vague idea of what this is.
- Bondage: Includes everything from fuzzy handcuffs to gags, spreader bars and gimp suits – you’ve probably experienced it at least once in some capacity.
- Domination: Femdom is a common enough example of this. This is when a female takes societal/physical control over someone else for the sake of pleasure. Dom is a shorter version of this term. I’ve found a lot of dominant folks tend to have less control/power outside of the bedroom due to society, power structures, etc. Take this with a grain of salt, please.
- Submission: This means you don’t have the control/power as you are submitting to the dominant person. I’ve found that a lot of submissive folks have more power and control in their real life than those dominating them, but this is pure speculation.
- Masochism: The joy of experiencing pain on a consenting basis for kinky reasons. These are the people getting whipped, paddled, spanked, etc. Pain often brings endorphins, so it’s pretty normal in my book.
- Sadism: The joy of inflicting pain on a consenting party for kinky reasons. These are the people who spank and bring out the whips/paddles. Named after the Marquis de Sade, but don’t get it twisted. These people are rad.
- Aftercare: This is the tender, loving acts you do to make sure everyone's okay, loved and safe. It can be as simple as getting your partner a glass of water to rubbing arnica on their skin to reduce bruising from a paddling session. Some can experience Dom/Sub drop (which makes you feel depressed among other things) so don't skip this! Aftercare can last minutes or days after a session.
- Immobility (XWG): To fatten one’s self (or partner) into a state of being unable to move; often means to be bedbound. It’s a big fantasy that Feedists share, but not every feedist gets the appeal or acts it out in the bedroom. However, there are clever ways to imitate it in bed without all the fuss.
- Feeding Session:Exactly what is says on the tin. These are sexual charged feedings are the bread and butter of Feedism. Can involve stuffing yourself stupid and/or using funnel to guzzle down weight gain shakes or just eating a box of candy naked, or doing all the the above but to your partner. Scenes like this are negotiatied before they even happen. Aftercare often involves tummy rubs, antacids, and ginger tea among other things.
- Pig/Piggy Play: Exactly what it says on the tin. Examples include: feedee’s getting on all fours eating tasty slop, having a collar that says piggy, oinking/snorting, eating from a trough, etc. Kink that is often adjacent to Feedism. Considered ‘Taboo’ in some feedism circles.
- Hucow/Cow Play: Role Playing as a fat (often dumb) cow. Can include lactation among other kinks. Examples include: "milking" sessions, getting on all fours, "breeding", having a collar with a cow bell, mooing noises ect. Kink that is often adjacent to Feedism. Considered less taboo than Piggy Play (for some odd reason).
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- Slob:Exactly what it says on the tin. Again, a kink that is often adjacent to Feedism. Also a weight based stereotype. Slobby behavior tends to encompass messy eating, sweat and burping/farting kinks into one fat package. Considered taboo for some reason.
- Death Feedism: The most taboo subset of them all (for many different, complex reasons). A fantasy of eating yourself into health issues/mobility issues and/or eating yourself to death and/or the thought of doing this to your partner. Before you clutch your pearls, we will explain this in detail later.
- Health Play: Adjacent kink to death feedism that involves ‘playing’ with a person's health. It often features medical devices such as heart monitors, nasal cannulas and oxygen tanks, mobility aids, among others. Again, hold your comments for later.
- ‘In The Big Fat Closet’: The phenomenon of a person hiding or outright denying their sexual feelings towards fat/fatness/fatter partners and/or weight gain and/or wanting to gain weight in a sexual context is inside “The big fat closet".
The Physical Realm
Fat people take up space. Never apologize for that. It’s part of the whole package deal that is fatness. It has downsides only because this world (as it is right now) doesn’t cater to anyone over 200lbs. Don't dispair! I have some ideas for you.
Comfort At Home
Here’s some considerations to take into account for the most important facet of love: Comfort. Making your bachelor pad of sorts into a fat paradise is an excellent start. Let’s start with the living room, shall we?
Living Room
- Chairs. Get. Good. Chairs. I’m not kidding. It's an important sign not only to yourself but to prospective Feedee’s that you actually give a damn. Choose chairs either with a wide distance between the arms (over 19 inches between) or no arms at all. Period. Getting 'Big and Tall' chairs or even Baratric chairs is your best bet. If that’s not cost effective, consider learning about how to alter/reinforce furniture with wood, metal or hell even cinder blocks. Getting stuck in a chair (not on purpose) is a shitty experience on a date.Emeco makes solid metal chairs that are almost indestructible.
- Couches/Sofas. Again, it’s a great sign if you get something better than a cheap ass Walmart/Amazon futon. My husband and I have broken couches before just by sitting on them as expected. The clean up is terrible and having to haul out a couch because you had a ‘friend’ over is a bitch when you rent. Look for hardwood frames (Here's some tips to tell if it's particle board or not) or solid metal chairs with bars across the bottom and a frame that's at least three inches thick. Flexsteel is a good suggestion.Emeco also makes sofas with solid metal frames.
Kitchen/Dining Room
- See the Chair rant above.
- Tables. Ideally, if you want to take your feedee right there after a good feeding session you’d need a very stable table. Look for thicker than usual legs. If the table legs wobble, put a shim of some sort under the wobbly legs in question. Try to have your table as all in one piece. Tables with parts that go down or detach tend to, as the name implies, detach at the worst times.Emeco is also hella based for making very sturdy metal kitchen tables.
- Kitchen Size. If you have a tiny ass kitchen, don’t force your feedee to squeeze in there for a feeding session. (They might not be able to squeeze themselves out after your done with them!). Make sure there’s enough clearance for your feedee to move freely about the cabin - even while stuffed - or feed them somewhere else.
- Big appliances. Look for fridges with high capacity (around 17.6 cubic feet of space), chest freezers (goes from 10 to 30 cubic feet of space) double wall ovens, large microwaves (Think commerical ones), and a decent dish washer (24 inches at least) if home cooking is your specialty and you’ve got the space to do it.
- Storing food: Walk in pantries or hell, even a decent group of cupboards are god-like. If you need more food storage, consider a china cabinet, freestanding pantry cabinets, kitchen hutches etc. you can place close enough to the kitchen to make it accessible.
- Small Appliances: I know rotisserie ovens and deep fryers with a decent basket capacity sound a bit stereotypical, but if your feedee likes donuts or chicken these are worth the price tag. Also consider: waffle irons, electric griddles, convection toaster ovens, crockpots, instapots, ice cream makers, hell even cotton candy makers.
Bedroom
- Bed frames. Since you are interested in “entertaining” fat folk, anchoring it to the wall or using furniture wedges is hella helpful. (plus the furniture wedges prevent everyone from hearing you squeaking the mattress back and forth). Look into bunkie boards (for extra support) and add bed frame support legs (they make adjustable ones you just slide under).
- Mattresses. 100% foam mattresses do not have the support needed for railing a fat person. Trust me. Pick an extra firm, wide mattress (Think olympic queens, kings, and california kings). Big fig, Titan, Helix Plus, Winkbed Plus etc. are some brands to consider. More brands are branching out to making firmer beds for fat folks, and it’s pretty sweet. Extra firm foam pillows or even Liberator brand sex pillows (but use two next to each other for extra surface area) and well made slings that hold more than 300 lbs worth and a sturdy frame are needed.
- Food storage. Any feeder worth their salt has food on hand. If your feedee likes frozen foods (thinking anything from hot pockets to ice cream) getting a mini fridge/freezer combo (4.4 cubic feet is great) and microwave for the bedroom is a worthwhile idea. Getting a deep freezer in general is also worth the money (though you don’t have to keep it in the bedroom). Since you don’t have a pantry in the bedroom, consider getting a free standing cupboard (they’ve got them on Amazon) or even a second hand chest of drawers for snacks. It might seem odd storing food in your bedroom, but there’s nothing more blue balling that running out of food mid feed n’ fuck. Trust me.
Staying Comfortable Outside the Home
With that knowledge, you can make a logical conclusion that going out requires more forethought than most people are used to. It sucks, but don’t think you’re a shit date because you date calls ahead of time to get three armless chairs so you can be comfortable. Seriously. Acts of service like this is a good sign your feeder is thoughtful to your needs. (And yes Feeders, this is charming af).
Now, I know it’s gonna be embarrassing to even ask for 'special' accommodations, but people with disabilities do this shit all the damn time. Trust me, you don’t worry about it. You’re not the only ones asking.
If you're whisking your date away using a car, get a seat belt extender for the passenger seat. Try to move the seat farther back to give them some breathing room. Fat can get rather warm so don’t be surprised about using the A/C during the winter sometimes – and having it on full blast in summer. If there’s a middle arm between the passenger seat and the driver's seat, lift it up for more elbow room. The less squeezed in, the better.
If you’re going to an event/activity that requires a lot of sitting (think movie theaters, restaurants, bars etc.) find if there’s more accessible seating or hell even asking for two seats instead of one. Eating at a table instead of a booth (which are stupid easy to get stuck in), getting three tickets to see a packed movie with ease (A lot of movie theaters have arms you can move up now, it’s pretty rad), ditto with if you’re going to a regular theater (especially helpful if the theater is ‘historic’ and hasn’t been updated). A lot of places have a section for visiting these days, and you can find numbers you can call/forms you can fill out for accommodations to enjoy their services without going through the public humiliation conga line.
Service and hospitality businesses (like hotels) are also no strangers to people making requests for comfort, and trust me your request will not be the ‘stupidest’ thing they’ve heard. Remember, you're paying them to do a service. Might as well tell them how to do it. Yes, you might have to pay extra for the luxury of having something fit (I’m thinking rental cars and airplane seats) but when you’ve gotten bruises from having to sit in a chair with too narrow of arms (and gotten borderline stuck) you tend to not mind it. Dignity is important.
Other activities should have accommodations as well: consider carnival rides, any events with a turnstile to get in, water slides, doorways and stairwells (especially in historical places), pools and hot tubs, and anything with a weight limit. This is a non-exhaustive list.
It’s important for Feedees to know their basic ‘clearance’ and their current weight measurement. Take a measuring tape around the widest part of yourself (often the hips, but also the stomach) and make note. If you’re triggered or embarrassed to do this yourself, ask your Feeder. Ditto with the weight measurement. (More talk on measurements later). Oh, and take into account your level of squish: some fat is hard and can’t be manipulated, other parts of the body can be very malleable and soft. Softer fat can get into more tight spaces than harder fat.
This isn’t to shame you. It’s to make sure you're comfortable, safe and are able to have a good time with your feedee.
Clothing, Accessories and Getting a Good Fit for the Public
I’m going to be brutally honest, standardized sizing can suck dick (not in a good way.) Doesn’t matter what ‘gender’ your clothes are, it sucks (though women can attest it’s even more bullshit in their section). A lot of plus size clothing is just super large versions of the ‘normal’ pattern block they cut from. That’s it. They don’t consider the simple thing like having a full bust or hell even having a larger ass and a smaller middle. Curves of all kinds are not represented well AT ALL in fast fashion. So what to do? We get educated and creative.
Facts: natural fibers (Woolens, legit silk, cotton, flax, etc.) wear WAY better than the polyester stretch fabric crap they are selling you. Due to the woven nature of these fabrics, they become easy to alter with the average sewing machine (or hell, needle and thread). This comes into play because as you fatten up, your figure doesn’t do it uniformly. Letting out seams, lengthening hems, adding more darts to get a better fit in the bust, even adding darts to the back of pants so they don’t gap in the back. Sure, polyester and stretch fabrics can help due to being well stretchy. But don’t be fooled, this shit isn’t made to stand up to even a day's worth of thighs rubbing together or the most modest pair of fat arms.
If you like stretchy fabrics and polyester, that’s fine and dandy (sometimes the only option of finding clothes in your legit size). Here’s my advice. Watch. The. Fabric thickness. Thin stretchy pants won’t hold up to fat and will cling to every single part of you to the point of revealing your underwear – one day of wearing and you can pop a seam or wear the fabric down around your inner thighs. Thick polyester blends are your best bet. Cotton polyester is best. Make sure they’re a blend! 100% polyester is cheap, and you can tell why. It sucks. Wash stretchy things in cold water and dry minimally, otherwise you might as well throw it away. Fabrics with stretch have a bad habit of holding on to sweat smells and other odors, so be frequent with the washing and wash it thoroughly. Add a bit of baking soda to the load for freshness. Trust me.
Education on Clothes Shopping
- Shop the Plus Size Section. Please. Looking at beautiful designer clothes that aren’t made in your size will make you feel like shit.
- If possible, try on clothes in person. It’s hard to tell online if it will fit or flatter. Do remember you can request they order it to the store so you can try it on and then exchange it if need be.
- If online is the only option, triple check the return policies. If you can only return in a time frame, mark it on a calendar. Don’t fall for ‘Non-returnable’ stuff, no matter how tempting it may be. If it doesn’t fit, you must return it!
- Measure the circumference of your upper arms, thighs, calves, waistline (if you wear clothes over the tummy, measure where you’d like them to be) 5 inches above the belly button, bust, length of legs, length of arms and shoulders. Write it down, and then bring a really long tape measure with you. Measure before you try on to prevent getting stuck in a too small shirt. Or, double check your measurement with the ones listed on the product page/sizing charts. Great method when thrifting in places that don't have a dressing room!
- It is better to buy bigger. If you’re actively gaining weight the reason why is obvious, but even non-gaining fat folks will benefit from being able to alter the extra fabric to make it fit better. You can take away fabric easier than adding to it.
- You can buy clothes from Womens and Mens regardless of your gender identity. Trust me, it helps to get oversized t-shirts from the men’s section and then just add a couple darts. Plus, men's clothes tend to be better made with more cotton content. Yes, it’s a thing that women’s clothes are made shittier on purpose.
- Clothing is supposed to sit light on top of the skin, not suffocate you tight and not fall off your large (though if your fashion is oversized everything, keep on keeping on).
- Buy second hand plus size clothes. Check your local stores (though they tend to be sparse because a lot of crafty, thinner folks alter plus size clothes for projects). Thread Up is an option. Customization comes in handy here too.
- If you have to struggle with the button closure, size up. If the buttons gap at all, go a size up too. Buttons are telling. Waist extenders are helpful in a pinch or when you're between sizes
- Make sure straps are thick and supportive – things like bras without thicker straps will dig into your fatter shoulders and hurt like a bitch. Ditto for bondage gear straps.
- Make your bra band really close to the skin, but not digging into you. I recommend either a standard underwire minimizer bra (they tend to have soft cups that let your breast tissue fill the entire cup) or a t-shirt bra with underwire. Why underwire? You’re gonna need the extra oomph of support at the root of the breast to keep things supported. Underwire doesn’t suck if your band isn’t really, really tight and you handwash them. More of this in the lingerie section.
- If you do want to rearrange your fat around, I suggest boned underthings. Wired bras, metal boned corsets, plastic bones in girdles are great choices, and they don’t ‘suck you in’ uncomfortably – not to mention they last longer and handle heavier sections of fat better than just lycra even could. More talk on this later.
- If you’re buying clothes just to burst out of them in the bedroom, buy second hand please and keep the buttons! You can sew them back on the garment and pop those buttons again over and over. Endless fun!
Get Creative with Clothes
- Learn about how to sew some basic clothing alterations. Youtube is a wonderful resource for all things clothing modifications. Invest in a decent second hand sewing machine or get determined and get a pack of needles and some thread spools. I like sewing machines because you can reinforce your stitches, allowing them to last under more stress. Altering your current wardrobe isn’t only cost effective, but fun!
- Learn the art of mending. If you can save your favorite pair of jeans for a while longer, do so. Iron-on patches are fantastic for customizing clothes too. Fabric glue is great. You can even use older clothes, cut them into pieces, and then repair pieces with the same fabric (think using an old pair of black leggings to mend a good pair of black leggings). You can even make the mending visible using patches, embroidery and colorful threads and fabric additions for extra flair. You can mend even before you see a hole in areas that are thread bare. The sooner you mend it the better. A stitch in time saves nine, after all.
- You can even learn to make your own damn clothes by sizing up patterns that already exist online for free. Plus size sewing tips exist as do extended sizing patterns. Hell, you can draft your own patterns too. Look into making clothing that can grow with you. Using lacing closures and woven elastics to allow for more bodily variations than the usual buttons/zipper closures. There’s a whole world of adjustable clothing out there for you to make. For fabric you can buy second hand blankets, fabric shower curtains, table clothes or even cobble together a group of unfitting clothing into one solid sheet through patchwork. Fuck around and find out!
- You can learn to make your own gender-affirming clothing items too. You can make a compressionless binder using some zip ties and smart thinking. You can sew boxers with a built-in bulge. You can make panties that smooth out the front. You can make bras with heavily padded cups. The sky is the limit! (If you want a compression binder, however, make sure you buy a good one. Safe compression is a science).
- Ditto with adaptive clothing. You can make things like custom wrist braces, back braces/corsets, etc. with some metal boning and a dream. You can make clothes easier to put on with the addition of velcro instead of snaps or buttons. It’s all possible!
Notes on Accessories
- Necklace/bracelet extenders are your best friend. Most jewelry doesn’t account for thicker necks and wrists. Keep this in mind.
- Rings that stretch to fit are a thing. Keep this in mind when considering an accessory (or hell, even engagement/wedding rings). Fat fingers are important to figure in!
- Ditto with bracelets. These tend to be more comfortable on softer wrists because the tension is spread evenly.
- Got a smart watch? Get a longer watch band extender. Ditto with regular watches.
- Get thicker (at least three inches across) and longer belts – especially if you're into waist belts. Having some stretch in your belts prevents you from getting cut in half by your belt when sitting down.
- Big and Tall ties exist. That way if you need a tie, it fits around your thicker neck without digging into your double chins.
- Guess what they make? Ankle strap extenders for cute, strappy shoes! Etsy has many.
- elt extenders are a thing! Again, check Etsy.
- Get thicker, wider suspenders with a sturdy metal clip – thinner suspenders tend to dig in.
- Get longer length scarves. You tend to look more polished instead of having a tiny scarf that doesn't wrap around.
- If you enjoy tights, try to get them fleece or some sort of inner lining. This adds strength and trust me you’re gonna need it.
- They make plus size socks in all sizes at all lengths. They come in pretty cute designs too! Consider compression socks if you have lymphedema or Lipodema (more on that later).
- Wide calf boots are amazing. They exist and boy howdy am I happy about it.
- Get shoes where the collar (the part that goes towards the ankle) is wider or at least more flexible. Flats are awesome with cankles, but if you need more support look into tennis with a tie closure. Speaking of, get shoe insoles that support more weight while you’re at it. Big and Tall insoles can be cut down to fit into women’s shoes no problem.
Sexier Clothing for Sexier Times
- If you’re aiming for clothing destruction, get regular sized body stockings so they can rip and tear while doing the deed. Ditto with school girl outfits, maid outfits, body suits, babydolls and just old regular clothes (with buttons, of course).
- Not into that? Get queen sized or plus size lingerie that fits to a T.
- Thigh high anything – sock garters and garter belts are your friends. They keep things from rolling down thicker thighs. Make sure your thigh highs are plus size too. They even make thigh high glue, if you’d use it.
- Like a good sexy thigh high boot? They make wide calf versions of those. Not to mention the size 12+ options.
- Looking for longer, wider collars? I recommend getting them custom made on Etsy. Great for a wide variety of applications of various kinks (since you can add a name or phrase, too).
- They make leather belt extenders in a variety of lengths, widths and colors for your bondage gear to fit right every time. Etsy is a great place to look for these.
No matter what you’re doing clothes wise – aim for comfort! Nothing makes my internal monologue meaner than feeling uncomfortable. Clothing destruction is the exception to the rule. Well fitting garments make everyone feel like they’re polished and put together – even if you're wearing homemade garments. More plus size sewing talk later on! But for now, I hope I've given you, well, hope in the clothing section.